There is no picture today because the thing that affected me most does not deserve a picture. Today, I was reminded that sometimes people really SUCK. I had to stop at Hy-Vee to pick up a few groceries. On my way out, I encountered an obviously divorced couple that were swapping their three kids. The parents were screaming at each other while the older child begged them to stop and the younger two kids were crying. The older child was grabbing his Mom’s arm and begging her to stop because they were in a public place. It was so sad and I felt really bad for those kids. Made me want to tell those parents to shut up and grow up because those kids deserve better than watching their parents act like toddlers who can’t control their emotions.
It really unnerved me. Maybe because my parents are divorced, or maybe just because I have two kids of my own now who are the center of nearly every decision I make. Do I lose my cool sometimes? Yes. Do I act like an idiot sometimes? Yes. But, seriously…..when your child is begging you to stop being stupid, shouldn’t you stop?!? These two parents just kept yelling. Those two younger children were so very upset and tears were streaming down their faces. I was upset FOR those kids.
My parents are divorced and I was six/seven when it happened. They both remarried to the people they are still married to today. In the entire divorce and even now, my parents never say a negative thing in front of me about the other. Keep in mind that I’m 40 years old now. Forty and they still are NOT negative. I distinctly remember having a serious conversation with my Mom not too long before I got married to Andy. She said, “I hope you never get divorced. It sucks. REALLY sucks. But if you do, remember that your Dad and I got divorced. We divorced each other and NOT you or your sister. It was our job to make sure it affected you as little as possible. Acting like jackasses in front of you was not an option. People do dumb shit when they get divorced, but remember how much you love Andy right now. Pull out *THAT* when you get pissed at him and think about doing something stupid.” How thankful I am for that. Andy and I have been through some pretty serious issues, but any time a negative thought crosses my mind, I remember what my Mom told me. It makes me stop, step back, and take a breath. Andy and I *CAN* make it through even the worst of times. We have our marriage where we promised exactly that to each other. We also have two beautiful, amazing kids who deserve us giving it absolutely all we have. I really wish more people would stop and think about that.
I am the lucky kid. I never had to “choose sides” between my parents. Thank God for that. In case you were wondering, I also gained in their divorce. I got two amazing stepparents and the example that marriage really can work. I’m not naïve. I know that, sometimes, no matter what you do, you can’t make it work. I also know though from my own experiences that, sometimes, if you put your head down and slog, you *CAN* make it work.
I wondered as I was driving home from Hy-Vee if those kids will grow up to divorce their spouses and hate them as much as their parents obviously hate each other now. Some kids gain perspective and realize that they don’t have to make the same mistakes their parents made. Others never learn. They do the same things their parents did because it “worked” for their parents. All I can hope for is that Andy and I set the example that our kids deserve. Maybe some day, they will see something similar to what I encountered tonight and run home to their spouses and kids and say, “Never to you. Ever.” That’s really the legacy that I want to leave them – that Andy and I love them and that we love each other and that you can make it. You really can.
