Do Not Be Fooled

See those super cute, innocent faces?  DO.  NOT.  BE.  FOOLED.  Tonight has been one of *those* nights.  Every parent knows exactly what I mean and every parent dreads *those* nights.  The night was made worse by the fact that Andy was golfing and not available to help when my patience ran out.  Let’s see what all happened in the relatively short time frame of 3 1/2 hours tonight…

• John peed on the floor.  He tried to make it to the toilet, but just gave up and peed on the floor – right in FRONT of the toilet!  This produced discussion #1 of the evening.
• Laura informed me that she was tired and, therefore, was not going to do anything this evening except watch the movie “Dolphin Tale.”  She said, “Mom, turn on the movie NOW!”  This produced discussion #2 of the evening.
• John must have told me “No!” at least 20 times.  This produced two time outs and two spankings over the course of the evening.
• Laura told John he was “stupid” and then proceeded to kick him.  He tackled her back, causing her to fall over.  She then bounced off the ottoman in our family room and hurt her back.  That led to ten minutes of crying from Laura.  This led to discussion #3 and #4 of the evening along with time outs for both kids.
• John pooped in his underwear while I was cleaning the kitchen up from dinner.  He took off his shorts and underwear and left them in the bedroom.  Then, he walked upstairs with poop all over his butt and down his leg.  After cleaning him up, this produced discussion #5 of the evening.
• John decided that Laura needed to be tackled again.  In retaliation, Laura hit John across the face.  That led to ten minutes of crying from John.  This led to discussions # (how many are we on now?  I’ve lost count!) along with time outs AGAIN for both kids.
• Laura informs me that she no longer will be sitting in time outs.  She is nearly six and time outs are unnecessary.  Yes, she *did* say unnecessary.  I informed her that she could just sit in time out for another ten minutes.  This leads to yet another discussion of the evening.
• During bath time, both kids told me the water was too hot.  I check it and say, “It’s actually a little cold.”  John decides he’ll show me the water is too hot and picks up the cup that I use to rinse their hair.  Yes, you guessed right.  He threw it all over me and Laura started to laugh.  I walked away.  I have negative patience by this point.
• John insists on a story, but he doesn’t ask me to read a story.  He yells, “Read me a story right now!”  This leads to what feels like discussion #6,027 of the evening.

Mercifully, Andy arrives at 8 pm and it’s bedtime for the kids.  Mom is pouring a glass of wine and taking a bath.  IN.  SILENCE.  Thank God for bedtime.