“It doesn’t matter if the glass is half empty or half full. There is clearly more room for wine.” -A funny statement that my beautiful sister-in-law, Jill, saw while we were visiting sunny South Carolina.
While enjoying this half empty glass of wine and a great snack while reading “Catching Fire” (the second book in “The Hunger Games” series) on our back deck, this thought occurred to me. I’m half empty today. It was another rough day at work. I have only three weeks left at IML before I transfer to the Assessment Resource Center (ARC). While I’m grateful to have a job, I have to be honest….I’m not excited. NOT. AT. ALL. I know IML failing is not my fault, but in the back of my head, “failure” is there. My self-confidence is shaken to the core. I question myself a lot. I even found me telling myself today that I will fail at ARC too. It’s a dumb thought I know, but it’s there. I’ve had periods of depression in my life, but never quite like this. I never thought I would be one of those people who “defines” myself by my work, but yet here I am questioning everything because of my work situation. I have a great husband and two beautiful kids, so why is it so hard to define myself by them? I love the three of them so much and they make me so happy, but they only cover part of my day. The other part *IS* my work. It’s hard. So hard. I’m hoping when my last three weeks is up that just maybe some of this feeling will go away. ARC actually didn’t have to hire me, but wanted to hire me. That’s a good thing, right?
Love you! Go Hunger Games!